I am not sure why we, as humans, have become afraid of failing. Why finding confidence in our abilities to handle whatever comes up became so hard. What we should actually be afraid of is never failing again. When you fail at something, it means you tried something new, something which was not guaranteed to go 100% right, and something which by its very nature would take us forward towards a better future. If what we failed at was not going to take us forward towards something better, then why would we be putting ourselves out of our comfort zone in the first place? We would be happy just staying as we are, and it is pretty damn hard to fail at where we are if we have been there for as long as we can remember.
If you become so scared of failing that you never try anything new, then you can guarantee that you will stay where you are and still be there at any given point in your future. Nothing can or will change for you…and to me that is the scariest thought of all.
What to do?
You can move yourself past that paralysed state of fear in the following ways:
- If you are “away from” motivated: Use that ‘scariest thought of all’ as a way of motivating you forward. Think about STILL being EXACTLY where you are now in 10 years time, and if that upsets or scares you to the core then use that fear, and knowledge, to motivate you to be brave and have a go at failing a few times in order to shake things up and get you moving.
- If you are “towards” motivated: Use something super enticing about the new life you are imagining for yourself to pull your forward. Remember that it’s very hard to get new things in your life, experience new things and achieve new things if you are never willing to fail at new things.
Basically we need to twist the way we look at failing. It’s not a bad thing but a sign you are bravely trying something new.
The only true failure is in giving up, so if you commit to keep trying, to keep failing, then you will never truly fail.
Have you ever heard the phrase “Fail Forward”? This simply means that you keep failing little by little until you are where you want to be, as each time you fail you move just a little closer to where you want to be. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but the lessons you learn from each and every experience ensure you grow as a human being and that the knowledge you accumulate keeps edging you towards having everything you need to achieve what you are trying to achieve.
Something else miraculous happens when you keep trying. When you keep getting back up, over and over again, no matter how many times it doesn’t work out how you wanted; you grow in confidence. You become unshakable in the confidence that you can and will do this, no matter what happens next. You know in your heart that you will never give up until you get where you want to be.
And this is what I want for you. I want you to have an unshakable confidence in your ability, or future ability, to do what you need to do and become who you need to become in order to live the life you want to live. Nothing else truly matters. It doesn’t matter if you know what you need to do at Step 2 when you are at Step 1. In fact, you don’t need to know how to do Step 1 before you start Step 1 when you are mastering the art of failing forward. You simply need to start with an unshakable confidence that you have an ability to work it out when you get there.
Everything is figureoutable
As Marie Forleo says – ”Everything is figureoutable” and this is what you need to know. I heard someone quoting Sir Richard Branson yesterday and they were saying he talks about problems like this:
If you come up against a “Level 3” problem you may freak out as you have no idea what to do. You may feel like you are a Level 1 or 2 and anyone at Level 1 or 2 will find a Level 3 problem way too hard…a bit like doing school homework. If you attempted to do the homework of the next class up, you would probably instantly freeze in fear as you were not ready and had no idea how to work it out.
As grown-ups we can choose right now to lift ourselves up to be a Level 4 person. We can tell ourselves that it’s ok, that we can handle that because we are now a Level 4 person and a Level 3 problem is super easy to us. EVERYTHING is solvable if you have the right skills, so we just upgrade our thoughts to trust that we are at the right level.
The way this works is that when our brain believes that we CAN work it out, then it starts to hunt for solutions and to try to work it out. If you initially looked and gave up, because you thought it was a level too high for your experience to handle, then you would just throw your hands in the air like a toddler and sink to the floor and never try again.
Can you see how much this could change your life? To never allow problems, no matter how large, to get in your way of trying. To never be scared of failing – as failing is a really positive sign that you are trying.
Another great story I heard about failing was when listening to the founder of Yo Sushi talk about his journey (this was when Yo Sushi was still ‘new’, and when I was just starting out on my own). Simon Woodroffe said that he celebrated every time he was told ‘No’ when cold calling, as it meant he was one step closer to a ‘Yes’. He said it was all a numbers game and the more he heard ‘No’ on the phone, the closer he became to hearing a ‘Yes’.
Can you imagine how different your mindset would be if you celebrated every time you heard ‘No’, rather than doing what most people do and seeing ‘No’ as a rejection or failure, which then cuts so deep that you never want to try again. This simple twist in the way we think really changes everything.
The way we feel and think about everything is EVERYTHING. In fact, how you feel or think about anything is everything.
And that is what I want to support you with, because it is this unshakable confidence in my ability to work it out along the way which has seen me get to where I am today. There is nothing special about me…I just never gave up, and have made brave decisions which EVENTUALLY paid off.
Join me on the ‘Stronger Than Thought Experience’ and watch 4 short videos to explain the power of thought, and how you can become stronger than those pesky little things which hold us back. At the end, I have a little invite to you to join The Nest, where you will be held and supported as you become unshakable and start to build the life you dream of too.